Is MOMhood for me?, and my 8 years of solitude.

Hello, lovelies!

I have been busy prepping and popping up on the weekends around town (Twin Cities).  Make sure you are following me on Facebook so you can see the Event invites with all the deets: Femelle Spirit page!  

Today's topic is for da females -->  is motherhood for me?  Can some of you relate?  I turned 39 last month.  YES, it is a big number.  I joke with my parents and friends from younger generations that 39 is the new 25.  I do find it harder to breathe while playing my favorite sports or hiking these days.  Getting hurt and not being able to attend my dancing Heels class on Tuesday nights is a legitimate fear of mine now too, lol.  I can tell my body isn't like a 25 year old's.  However, I do still feel, think, and act very youthful.  I think it helps that I am not yet a mom - I have more time and possibly more energy to go around, which I am grateful for...but haven't always cherished and valued it.  

Let me explain...

There were times in my early 30s when my friends were either getting married and starting families or I had some fall-outs and disconnection with them.  I was very lonely and ultimately, bored for a while.  I remember napping or going to bed early as a past time.  I felt sad, ashamed, depressed, and helpless.  I tried dating and I hung on to a few men for dear life, for entertainment and inspiration.  Those relationships eventually dwindled and did not work out. 

My lessons:  Those dark times were actually times I was learning about myself and learning to be strong on my own in order to bounce back.  I eventually steered myself in new directions - finding things that I liked to do for myself again like learning a few chords on the guitar, starting Femelle Spirit, running, and writing.  I had all this time to myself being single...I decided to act.  As I was falling in love with myself, I realized that I was lucky.  This was a time, I became genuinely aligned with my authentic self - which means I was doing things for me and learning what I liked and didn't like...  As I was dating too, I learned about my preferences as well.  Eight years of single-hood occurred during that time frame, and even though I had a few flings here and there over the years, nothing was "it"!  Sometimes, I get sad and bitter about the last 8 years but then I think about how I rediscovered Eve and how genuinely I put myself out to the world and into my new relationship now - and I am so proud of myself.  I didn't realize that God (or that higher power) was preparing me for a mature relationship.  I have stepped into one that I am happy about - and though it isn't perfect, it is fulfilling.  Unlike the movies, that focus on sparks and first meets - my new relationship is me communicating my needs and wants and having my cup filled, plus vice versa. Eight years ago, I wouldn't have had the revelation and recognition of my needs and wants.  

MOMhood:  During my 8 years of solitude, I became content with the fact that I may never have children.  As I enter into my new relationship...he is making feel secured and loved, so I am really doing some thinking about my future.  Ultimately, I am still okay with whether I have children or not.  But, in the end, I know that choice should be mine if it presents itself.  I know seeing and hearing other mom experiences, that one should make that decision for themselves.  Motherhood is beautiful but also a lifelong commitment - which I am reflecting on and will make a personal decision when it comes time to cross that bridge.  

Where are you in life right now?  Is motherhood important to you?  What are you struggling with?  Is this an opportunity for you?  If it is not, what makes it hard?  Please let me know in the comments and we can reflect together.  

**I am still trying to raise money to purchase my laptop for my writing endeavors.  Please buy me a coffee or leave any amount of donation.  Thank you!